


till sunrise

by gyulemon



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 09:38:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14931779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyulemon/pseuds/gyulemon
Summary: Where Sunggyu wants to forget and learns how to love again.





	till sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> 2 years without writing and i come up with this im sorry

Sunggyu closes his eyes. His dark, chocolate hair falls messy on his forehead and his hands are a bit shaky while he holds the microphone. No one notices, though.

The crowd surrounding him cheers loudly “Kim Sunggyu! Kim Sunggyu!” as he has just finished singing one of the songs they most seem to like, but which Sunggyu has ended up hating wholeheartedly. A song he wrote long ago and that he wishes it had never been written.

He forces a smile back for his fans and bows deeply before leaving the stage, locking himself on his dressing room.

He remembers his manager barging inside of the room, blabbering something about a good performance, money and some management dinner, but he couldn’t care less. Everytime he tried to forget the reason why he became a singer, he had to sing that song. He had tried many times to make it stop, but his manager would force him to, because the fans loved it. They loved the passion, the feelings he put into it, the way his voice wrecked in parts it shouldn’t.

If only they knew.

He felt his heart as if it was a flower blooming in a garden full of thorns, with each step towards a new path it would only torn himself apart.

Would it have been different, if only he had had the courage to let him know his heart, back then? He doesn’t know.

“Sunggyu.”

He blinks.

“Sunggyu, I’ve been calling you for 5 minutes. Are you okay?” Sunggyu notices his managers is looking at him with a frown, worried.

“Yes, sorry, I just got a little carried away. Everything’s fine?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.” He sighs. “The meeting is in 10 minutes, I told you an hour ago but…are you sure you’re fine?”

“I am.” He gets up from the couch, shaking his pants as if there was dust in it. “Let’s go?”

 

*****

 

On the first drink, Sunggyu’s faking his smile in front of his work team. His manager seems to be more cheerful than ever (something along the lines of having asked a girl out, Sunggyu doesn’t pay much attention anyways).

On the second drink, his eyelids feel heavier but he’s still breathing, his hands are steady on the glass and his smile doesn’t leave his face.

On the third drink he has already stopped pretending his listening, and his coworkers have started ignoring him, in order not to ruin the mood. He’s glad, though.

On the fourth drink he has already left the table, the air suffocating himself so much he can barely breathe.

The air outside is cold and it hits Sunggyu like a rough slap, he’s taken a back for a few seconds before he takes a deep breath and let his lungs almost freeze in the way. The air he exhalates comes out as if he was smoking and he does it some time more, like a second-year old kid would.

He walks around the empty streets, but he’s not sure yet where. If he’s satisfied with one thing he has done in his life is becoming a singer, but not an idol. He can still enjoy life, somehow.

His heart aches in places he didn’t know it could when he’s sitting down in a bench, his hands almost blue and nose red, he thinks it shouldn’t hurt after all this time.

For the past 5 years he’s been running away, from himself, from his mistakes; somehow seeking his redemption in words that people could never fully understand.

“ _If I come on TV and sing, you might see me_ ” his soft, almost inapreciable voice, breaks the silence. It comes out ragged, the cold hurting his throat but he doesn’t mind. _“If you hear me, if you see me, you might come find me…So I tried my best and sang, for you in the past, putting in all my heart that I couldn’t before back then...”_ his voice breaks in the last sentence and a stinging pain runs through his heart. “Hey, Woohyun…are you listening? Did you listen to me?”

The silence is the only reply he receives, and he somehow feels that’s enough.

 

*****

From Seoul to Jeju, to Busan, Cheongju, Dajeon, Myungyeon, Seongman…Sunggyu has lost tracks of how many cities he’s performed at.

He loves singing, he really does. It may not seem like it for the people surrounding him, but his heart beams with joy when he has a microphone between his hands and there’s nothing else but the music and all his words spilling out, like pouring rain. The claps, the cheering, the love; it’s all secondary for him, his music comes first. (Probably because it reminds Sunggyu of him).

However, Sunggyu’s forever thankful to his fans, he wouldn’t be there if it weren’t because of them, so he tries to give his best in each and every of the songs.

“ _Just wait a little longer, because I’ll give it all back to you_ ,” his hands harden around the microphone, his heart clenches inside his chest. Why is it being so hard lately to sing, why is he feeling like this all over again? “ _Just watch over me a little longer, because I’ll be healed_ …” He breathes in, the next words coming out shakier than they should have been. _“I’m sorry, I made things so hard for you these days, I’m sorry, my baby…”_

 

He’s a trending topic the following days. Kim Sunggyu, the singer who pours his heart out; Kim Sunggyu who gives everything he has for his fans; Kim Sunggyu, the singer who looks as if each word he sang hurt him, with all the passion he put into it.

None of these are wrong.

 

“Because I will heal, hm?” Sunggyu snorts, undressing himself to get in the shower. “What a wishful thinking.”

He leans his head against the wall, letting the water fall on top of him, as if it could take him away too. He has spent countless nights sitting there, on the bathtub, just looking at the ceiling with the water around his neck. He thinks of new songs, of new music; he thinks of Woohyun.

In the night they parted ways, the night where he sent off Woohyun, he felt he was doing the right thing. He still does, though, but he hasn’t stopped regretting one single second. And he’s selfish, and has singed in hopes for Woohyun to see and come back to him.

“So selfish.” He mutters, his voice muffled with the water. After all, he left for the best.

There comes a time when you realize that there is nothing else left to do. A time where you realize that things aren’t how they used to be anymore, that things have changed and they have become suffocating, possessive, jealous, fearful, full of regret. That it has all become a cage, and one has to be brave enough to step out and break it for the sake of them, before it’s too late. He was hurting Woohyun in ways he could never fix and Woohyun was drowning, he was becoming something he wasn’t. By the end of it, Woohyun had become someone that Sunggyu couldn’t recognize; even if he said he was okay, all Sunggyu could see was him sad. He made him sad, and that’s not what they promised each other it would happen, what _should_ be happening.  However, he knew, one day, his shoulders would feel lighter, the weight on them would (almost) disappear, the bags around his eyes would be gone too and Woohyun would be able to look back without the memories feeling like a knife through his heart; he knew Woohyun would heal and it would be for the best.

With the last remaining pieces of his heart, Sunggyu opened the door and left.

“So childish.” He breathes out, banging his head against the wall, and sings softly. _“Come back again, so that I can keep my promise and be with you forever…Come back again, so that I can see you again, I love even your sad smile…”_

 

***** 

 

The first time Sunggyu sees him, he’s hiding behind a huge book, there’s coffee on the table and a camera hanging around his neck.

Sunggyu is not one of noticing people around him, but he’s been visiting the same café for years (a pretty, old friend of his runs the place) and he hasn’t seen that boy not even once before. He’s wearing a huge, white sweater that it’s probably two sizes bigger than him and a really big, red scarf that almost covers his face. He’s got black, straight hair, and his lips curve in a way that make Sunggyu think of a cat.

“You like the new customer?”

Sunggyu narrows his eyes at his friend.

“I’ve just noticed him, I’ve never seen him around before.” He replies, ordering his usual coffee.

“He hasn’t been here before.” His friend confirms his suspicions. “He’s really good-looking.”

“Is he.” Sunggyu mumbles, grabbing his coffee and sitting on a table.

He usually comes here to drink a coffee, read the news and write some lyrics or arrangement. The place is quiet, hidden in a street somewhere in Seoul, and it’s perfect for him to relax and let it all out.

However, his peace is disturbed when he heards a really loud _click_ followed by a _shit_ a couple of tables ahead of him. He looks up, eyebrow raised, and sees the boy quickly pressing some buttons on his camera, and he looks nervous. Sunggyu gets a feeling.

“Did you just take a picture of me?” he asks, and it comes out harsher than expected.

The boy’s eyes grow big in fear, and he swallows a few times before speaking.

“N-no.”

“Liar.” Sunggyu wants to be annoyed but with each second that passes and he looks at the guy, his anger disappears. Maybe Am was right, he was a bit good-looking. And he did look like a cat. “You know I’m a singer right? I could sue you for copyright.”

“W-Wait, what? You’re a singer?”

Now Sunggyu is annoyed again. He doesn’t know him?

“I’m Kim Sunggyu. Rock singer. I’m a lot on TV these days.” He says, and he hears his friend laughing in the back. He’s gonna scold her later for that.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t watch TV these days…but I’ve heard your songs on the radio, only that I didn’t know this was your face- I-mean, that sounded rude, not that you’re uglier than expected-I mean, I didn’t know your face was like this, I just heard your voice and-”

“You can stop blabbering now.” Sunggyu can’t help but smile lightly. “I don’t bite.”

“Sorry.” The boy’s cheeks are as red as a freshly picked apple and Sunggyu doesn’t know why but he finds it endearing. “I really didn’t know, I will delete it right now. I love taking pictures of anything I find interesting and I thought-”

“You found me interesting?”

“Yeah.” The guy nods, and he looks more relaxed now. “You seemed so invested in whatever you were reading or writing. I’ve heard your songs- your voice and your words give me goosebumps. I’ve always wanted to go to a concert of yours and capture it.”

Sunggyu is taken by surprise.

“That…I don’t really know how to reply to that.” He says, still a bit taken aback. He’s surprised someone looks so invested in how he feels on stage. “But you should come one day then. I will be looking for you.”

The guy smiles, nodding softly.

“What’s your name, by the way?”

“Kim Myungsoo.”

 

*****

 

Sunggyu learns Myungsoo likes soy milk, big cardigans and the sound his shoes make when they walk over the leaves during fall; he learns the way Myungsoo’s fingers wrap around the camera and the little frown that appears whenever he’s focused on something. He finds himself in the way his lips curve whenever he smiles and the sound the camera makes whenever he seizes something.

However, there is, in between his heart, in between the falling leaves and the sound of a _click_ , a name that he cannot seem to forget. He is now able to pronounce his name without it hurting as being torn apart, but still has a hard time whenever it spills from his lips and wants to put them together one more time.

He tells Myungsoo. It’s kind of prepotent and thoughtless, because Myungsoo being nice to him didn’t mean he would want something – something more, but he says it anyways. He would rather be the only one with a hollow inside his chest. (that’s naive, if you were to think about it, because Sunggyu should know better that you cannot choose who your heart beats for).

“I-” a deep, shallow breath. “I know this is gonna sound pretty much out of place, but, I’m warning you that there’s not anything you can do about me. I am broken and you – or anyone – can’t heal me. I can’t be healed.”

Myungsoo seems surprised, but there’s something in his eyes that Sunggyu notices but cannot pinpoint.

“What do you mean?” he asks, carefully. He’s aware of what Sunggyu has meant.

“I’m telling you not to like me.” The reply comes out as sharp, in all the wrong ways. “I don’t want you to hug me and cut yourself with all the pieces. It’s not fair – not for you.”

“It’s okay.” Myungsoo closes his eyes, and he looks at Sunggyu in the eye before walking away. “I understand.”

 

They don’t see each other for half a year.

Sunggyu leaves for a short Korean tour and Myungsoo disappears. He’s nowhere to be found – the café is always empty on the table he used to sit on, the park isn’t his camera’s target anymore, his smile doesn’t warm Sunggyu’s heart in every place where it should hurt.

He realizes, he misses Myungsoo.

Where it all started, he doesn’t know.

The first memory that comes back to his mind is Myungsoo, all shy and flushed hidden under a big scarf, eyes focused on the camera – only later one to grow big when he was scared of Sunggyu for having being caught.

He then remembers how Myungsoo attented his concert (and many more, later on) and how before that happened he may or may have not tried to spot him on the crowd. He remembers the pictures Myungsoo had shown him – they had so much feeling into them Sunggyu knows no one would ever be able to capture it as good as him.

He pictures in his mind all the times he went to his friend’s café and saw him there, sometimes even caught him staring and made his cheeks turn red.

He’s not sure when was the first time Myungsoo sat on his table instead, or if it was him who did. He can only recall sharing glances and coffee and Sunggyu saying soy milk tasted like shit.

It became frequent, then.

Myungsoo let Sunggyu go with him during his photography trips, and Sunggyu started writing lyrics that had Myungsoo’s smile underlying them.

Sunggyu got scared, too. That’s when he sent Myungsoo off.

“I guess you always end up making everyone go away…” Sunggyu sighs, hands against the sink and looking at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes have bags again and his faked smiles doesn’t reach them. There’s a lingering sadness behind his gaze that he’s not sure where to place at.

One day, when Sunggyu enters the little café, Myungsoo is again there.

“Hey.” Those are the only words he’s able to mutter, although I miss you would have resembled more to the truth, and hopes Myungsoo will understand.

“Hey.” Myungsoo replies, and his eyes are suddenly not as easy to read as before. The feeling makes Sunggyu’s stomach sink.

The silence is awkward and Sunggyu has a hard time even swallowing, each sound looked as if it would cut the air like a knife. Myungsoo doesn’t say a word.

The look his friend gives him is full of worry, but Sunggyu shakes his head and Am understands. She always seems to understand, even if there are no words in between.

“Do you wanna walk for a while?” he asks, out of sudden. He has spent a good ten minutes trying to make up his mind to say these words, and his heart is beating so fast he’s scared Myungsoo is gonna hear it.

Without a word, Myungsoo gets up from his usual place and waits for Sunggyu to get up too.

 

Sunggyu notices, there’s something off in Myungsoo. He looks more or less the same, his hair has grown a bit and he needs a haircut if he doesn’t want his bangs to get in his eyes all the time, and his clothes haven’t changed either. However, Sunggyu notices, Myungsoo isn’t carrying his camera (he has never seen him without it before) and his lips don’t curve in the way Sunggyu has gotten lost into so many times before.

“I’m sorry I took so long.” Myungsoo speaks up, breaking the silence. His voice doesn’t show any feelings; his face doesn’t either. “You were out and I went out too, I’ve been on different trips. I needed to think.”

“I understand.” That’s all Sunggyu says, because he really does.

“I’ve never meant to heal you, whatever that even means.” Sunggyu notices how Myungsoo interlocks his fingers, fidgeting. “I know who you still have feelings for.”

“I’m sorry.” Sunggyu bites the inside of his lips. It’s been six months but this hurts more than anything before. “I’m really sorry I sent you off like that. I was being selfish and you – you deserve so much better than this.”

Myungsoo sighs, closing his eyes.

“Honestly, I-I like you.” Sunggyu feels his heart pounding in his ears. “I’ve realized these months how much I’ve missed you. All of you.”

“But.”

“But I can’t make you happy.” Sunggyu’s stomach sinks. “I still have feelings for Woohyun.”

“Can we be friends, at least?” Myungsoo asks, and Sunggyu sees all the hurt in his eyes and he wants nothing but to give him the whole world. But he can’t. “I’ve missed you, too.”

“Of course.” It’s a lie, they both know. “Of course we can.”

 

Turns out, they can’t.

Myungsoo is good at pretending he doesn’t care, that he’s doing fine, that he can be just Sunggyu’s friend. Sunggyu notices it all. The unspoken words in between, the feelings making the air so tense a knife would cut through it, the way Myungsoo’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes anymore.

It takes a beer and a clumsy comment about some TV program for Sunggyu to kiss Myungsoo.

He stays still in place, eyes closed, but can feel how Myungsoo’s are wide open and his body is so tense that a mere air breeze would break him. His heart is beating so fast he has stopped feeling it and he can feel the tingle in his hands.

Myungsoo’s lips taste like everything he had thought of (he has thought about them a few times, more than he would ever admit), they taste bitter like beer but there’s some sweetness lingering too, they taste like fresh air and awkward gazes, of shy smiles and nights spent at the moonlight.

He pushes into the kiss a bit more, and can feel Myungsoo relaxing – just a little bit, but enough for him to respond to the kiss.

“T-This…” Myungsoo starts, but Sunggyu shuts him up with his index finger.

“Just,” a deep breath. “Just don’t say anything.”

Myungsoo sighs, nodding his head while grabbing his beer again. He looks exhausted, and Sunggyu starts to wonder when will it end. He knows Myungsoo can’t endure this any longer – and he wouldn’t expect him too, either. He’s always been selfish and ended up running away, but he would rather die a thousand times than hurt Myungsoo any longer.

“Woohyun contacted me.”

The sound of glass breaking echoes through the room. Sunggyu isn’t surprised, he just stares at Myungsoo and the shattered bottle of beer on the floor.

“Oh.” Myungsoo says, bringing his finger to his mouth. He’s got a cut and the blood is dripping.

“Let me take care of that.” Sunggyu says, and tries to reach for Myungsoo’s hand, but he steps back.

Sunggyu feels a sting of pain in his heart. He cannot reach Myungsoo’s hand, no matter how much he tries.

“It’s just a shallow cut.” Myungsoo stares at him back, and Sunggyu can see it. He’s afraid. “So…what did he say?”

“He wants to meet up.” Sunggyu replies, there’s no point in lying, but he’s still careful with his words. “To catch up and stuff.”

Myungsoo’s mouth makes an ‘o’ and he nods, saying it’s fine.

Sunggyu knows better than that.

“Have fun.”

Before leaving, Sunggyu feels the urge to kiss Myungsoo again, to let him know it will all be okay, to let him know he’s always gonna be there.

When he leaves, Myungsoo is already inside his room.

 

*****

 

It takes a lot of courage before Sunggyu leaves his house in order to meet up with Woohyun. He’s been wearing his usual clothes but he hasn’t been this nervous in ages – his stomach hurts, his heart is racing and there’s bile on his throat.

He hasn’t seen Woohyun in a very, very long time. However, he has never stopped longing for him. For that reason, he’s still not sure yet how he’s gonna face him, what he’s gonna do when he sees Woohyun.

Will he still have black hair? Will his eyes turn into crescents when he smiles? Will he say he has missed him? Will he?

The answer to all these questions are yet to be found, but Sunggyu isn’t prepared for it.

He has thought of this moment so many times before, has dreamed so many times of meeting Woohyun again, telling how much he still loves him, and they try to love again, this time with a happy ending for both of them.

However, it’s not like that. Whenever Sunggyu thinks of Woohyun his heart aches screaming Myungsoo.

Would it be better if he just let him go? Would it be better if he sent Myungsoo away, again? He wants to let him go, he wants him to be happy – Myungsoo deserves to be happy more than anyone else. Still, he can’t bring himself to do that, and the reason behind it is eating him alive.

When Sunggyu sees Woohyun he’s left out of air. He looks even more breath-taking than he did in his memories, his hair is still as dark as months earlier but it’s styled a bit up, and his dark, chocolate eyes seem to be looking for him.

Sunggyu’s heart does a thing. _Woohyun is looking for him_.

“Hey.” Woohyun’s voice is just as soft as he remembers. He used to love drowning himself into that voice, and it was once the reason why Sunggyu’s world was upside down.

For some reason, his mind only plays Myungsoo’s voice now.

“Hey.” Sunggyu replies back, giving a little smile.

It all falls into place, then. Sunggyu’s sharp edges soften again around Woohyun’s voice and the wounds in his heart doesn’t seem to be hurting that much anymore.

It is awkward at first, but they start talking about life, Woohyun’s career, Sunggyu’s tour. Woohyun tells Sunggyu he has seen him in TV many times before, and how his lyrics affected him.

“I wanted to reach you.” He says, smiling. His gaze is tired. “I wanted to reach you from the bottom of my heart, but I wasn’t able to bring myself to do it. I thought it would only end up hurting us more.” Sunggyu wants to say something, but Woohyun keeps talking instead. “Leaving was for the best. I hated you so much, back then. You have no idea how much pain I was in when you left.”

“Woohyun…” Sunggyu feels a lump on his throat.

“But after a while, I realized it was really for the best. You and I, we were not doing well. And that’s okay, too.” Woohyun takes a sip of his coffee. “It happens. Relationships wear out too, and no one is at fault.”

“I’m sorry I left like that.” Sunggyu says, and the words are hard to pronounce. “But I really thought it would be the only thing that could save us. That could save _you_.”

“You’re always like this.” Woohyun sighs, rolling his eyes. “You always think what’s better for the both of us by yourself, and do things on your own. Please, rely on people a bit more. Next time, if you wanna break up, talk it out, instead of just walking away and never looking back.”

“I’m sorry.” Sunggyu’s says, and he’s not sure who he’s talking to. Hearing Woohyun has made him think of Myungsoo, again.

“You have someone else in mind, right?” Woohyun asks, raising his eyebrow a bit.

“Uh-I,”

“Please, don’t be so hard on yourself this time around. Allow yourself to feel something again, you deserve to be happy, too.”

Sunggyu feels tears gathering on the corner of his eyes.

“I know we’ve loved and shared many beautiful memories together, but it’s time for you to be happy.” Woohyun says. “Does he make you happy?”

“A whole lot.” Sunggyu replies, and it’s truth. He has found himself in each one of Myungsoo’s smiles and his heart seemed to have healed in places he never expected to. Although Sunggyu is still broken, the little band aids Myungsoo has put have made Sunggyu breathe again.

“Then don’t lose him, alright? I can tell for the way your eyes lighten up when you’ve talked about him.” Woohyun smiles, and it’s sincere. “I wish you the very best. You’ve brought me so much happiness and joy when we were together, and when we were apart you’ve wrote such heartbreaking and breath-taking lyrics that with just one single note I’d got goosebumps. But now, it’s time for you to be happy, Sunggyu.”

“Thank you.” Sunggyu replies, biting his lip to prevent the tears. Once again, he’s been extremely selfish, and while trying to protect both, he has only ended up hurting Myungsoo more. “I wish you the very best, too. Be happy.”

 

*****

 

Sunggyu has to knock three times on Myungsoo’s door and when he finally opens it, he throws himself into his arms, making Myungsoo stumble backwards.

“W-Wha-”

His words are interrupted by Sunggyu’s lips, and this time he doesn’t stay still.

He kisses Myungsoo with all the want, the need, the _love_ , he has wanted to do so many more times before. He kisses Myungsoo with every cell of his body, with every inch of his skin, with every word he hasn’t said before.

“It’s you,” he says, breaking the kiss and holding Myungsoo’s flustered cheeks in between his hands. “It’s been a while already since it’s just been you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“S-Sunggyu, what is all of this?” Myungsoo asks, and Sunggyu sees how he’s struggling to find words.

“I love you.” Sunggyu says. There’s a huge weight that suddenly disappears off his shoulders, and his chest feels less heavy. He has Woohyun in his heart as someone that has been an important part of his life, but now its heartbeats belong to someone else. “I know it took me a while, and that while I tried to protect both of us I only ended up hurting you more. But, I had to see Woohyun to realise that although I’m fond of him because he’s been someone important to me, the only one who occupies my mind all the time is you. You’re the first thing I’ve got in my mind when I wake up in the morning and when I go to sleep, you’re the reason behind all the songs I’ve written these days.”

“I-” Myungsoo swallows, hard. “I really don’t know what to say.”

“Just don’t say anything.” Sunggyu gives him a peck, this time less rushed. “Let’s start again, slowly, you and I.”

Myungsoo throws his arms around Sunggyu’s neck to pull him into a kiss as an answer.

 

*****

 

Myungsoo texts him saying he’s got a new project in mind, and would love for Sunggyu to be part of it.

Sunggyu was skeptical at first. He would love to help Myungsoo in any way possible, but being the face behind his new project was a bit overwhelming. Even if he’s a singer and is used to people taking pictures of him (even when they’re not supposed to), with Myungsoo it always feels different.

He says yes anyways (there’s nothing he would deny to Myungsoo, too).

“You came!”

Myungsoo is waiting for him with his back against a tree, the camera hanging around his neck. He’s wearing jeans and a white t-shirt that Sunggyu wants to sue. He’s so handsome and his smile looking at him so bright that the sun should be ashamed.

“Of course.” Sunggyu replies, scratching the back of his head, shyly. All of this is still so new to him, even if he’s used to Myungsoo, after having confessed his heart he still feels awkward towards him.

They walk around the place for a bit, Sunggyu follows every order Myungsoo gives, whether it’s about the position of his arm or his head, or the direction his eyes are looking at.

He, somehow, feels more self-concious than he’s ever felt before. He feels naked in front of Myungsoo, although he’s fully clothed.

“You’re so tense.” Myungsoo smiles lightly, putting down his camera for a bit and shaking his head, making his bangs move in all different directions until they fall back on place. His black hair looks as soft as it really is (Sunggyu checked that very well) and his dark eyes make Sunggyu feel warm inside. “Are you nervous?”

“A bit.” Sunggyu replies, making a face. “I should already be used to people taking pictures of me but with you it feels so…different.”

“Why so?” Myungsoo asks, and suddenly walks downstairs. Sunggyu realizes they’re near the Han River, and follows him there, until they’re both sitting in the grass.

“I don’t know.” He replies, sincerely. “I think it’s because of you. I wanna do good for you, but also…having you staring at me like that all the time, I feel nervous, I guess.”

“I see.” Myungsoo replies, and strokes Sunggyu’s hair, softly. “You’re so handsome, I love taking pictures of you. Everytime I look at a picture of yours my heart skips a beat.”

Sunggyu’s heart skips a beat, too. He realizes then, they never talk much about how Myungsoo feels, and he would love to listen to him all the time.

“How are you feeling, though?” Sunggyu asks, out of sudden.

It makes Myungsoo frown in confusion.

“Feel like what?”

“About everything.” Sunggyu’s heart starts beating faster. He’s scared of what he might hear. “Everything that has happened between us.”

“I-” Sunggyu notices Myungsoo is the one who is nervous now. He fidgets in place, interlocking his own fingers. “I guess I’m fine now. It’s been really hard for me these past few months, you know.” He takes a deep breath. “From the time we met till the time we were apart for a while, then I guess it got even worse until now…It’s been hard.”

“I’m sorry.” Sunggyu mutters, his gaze looking at his own feet. He’s really sorry, from the bottom of his heart he’s never meant to hurt Myungsoo before.

“Don’t be.” Myungsoo chuckles, but Sunggyu notices his eyes look sadder now. “I really liked you, back then. I didn’t realize until we were apart for almost half a year, that I missed you so much it was killing me. I came back not knowing what I would find and that was eating me alive. You were still there, though.”

“I missed you a lot, too.”

“Then I thought we could be friends…but of course we couldn’t. I hold a heart for you that couldn’t stand the label of just being friends. You kissed me then, too. That drove me crazy, you were so confusing.”

Sunggyu wants to say he’s sorry again, but he knows Myungsoo will scold him for being so repetitive. He wishes he could turn back in time and erase all the pain he has caused in Myungsoo’s heart.

“Then you said you were going to meet Woohyun…I really thought that was the end of it all.” Myungsoo bites his lower lip after inhaling deeply. Sunggyu can see how hard he’s struggling remembering all those things. “When you left I was in my room and I was so sad…I didn’t want to lose you like that, I wanted you to choose me.”

Sunggyu feels a lump on his throat.

“When you knocked that door I honestly wasn’t expecting you at all, and when you kissed me and said it had been me all along…I felt so out of place I thought I was dreaming. My heart was about to explode.”

“I’m really s-yes, I know I’ve said this already, but I’m really sorry, Myungsoo.” Sunggyu says, before Myungsoo could interrupt him. “I’m really sorry that I put you through all of that, you deserved-deserve, so, so much better.”

“It’s all fine now, though.” Myungsoo says, and smiles tenderly at Sunggyu. He wonders, not for the very first time in his life, what Gods have smiled on him to put someone like Myungsoo in his life. He’s the most sweet, caring and thoughtful guy he has and would ever meet.

“Still.” Sunggyu grabs Myungsoo’s hands, forcing him to look at him in the eye. “I even made you feel like you were not enough, you even wanted to be choosen. No one deserves to feel like that, and for that I’m really sorry. I promise I will make it up to you in all the ways I can, and you won’t ever have to have doubts again.”

“Sunggyu-”

“I love you. I love you and I only love you. Keep that in mind.” Sunggyu bites his lower lip, trying to resist the urge to cry. “I was really confused back then, but you came out of nowhere and put all the pieces back in place, just when I thought that would never happen. I’m forever thankful to you for that, and I’m going to try to make you happy in every way possible, even if that means having to stand up in front of your camera for 7 hours straight.”

Myungsoo laughs, hitting his shoulder.

“I love you too.” He replies. “I always felt so alone, back then. And when I met you, everything changed so quickly, you were like a breeze of fresh air into my life, and I loved that. Even if it was hard and we struggled a lot to get here, I would never change where we’re at now.”

“Me either.” Sunggyu confesses, and his face is suddenly inches apart from Myungsoo.

“Good.” Myungsoo replies, before kissing him.

 

 

*****

 

 

  **EPILOGUE.**

 

It’s slow and they never make anything that could make the other feel uncomfortable. Sunggyu finds there’s a room in his kitchen for a soy milk carton and that his hand seems to fit perfectly into Myungsoo’s.

Myungsoo had fought his way into Sunggyu’s crack and healed each one of them. That’s why now, even after a couple of months, Sunggyu wants to give everything back to him, although Myungsoo had said there was no need for him to be so focused on that, he still felt like he had to. Even if they have a lifetime ahead, Sunggyu feels it’s never enough.

He learns Myungsoo loves something else as much as he loves his photography (first time they talked about it Sunggyu joked asking if he was talking about him), and that is anime and manga. He laughed when he found out but was actually surprised when he visited Myungsoo’s hometown and saw his room walls were full of posters and the shelves full of mangas. What a dork he has found.

He takes Myungsoo to Japan on his birthday. Sunggyu was pretty surprised when he found out after a while that they were actually 3 years apart, and spent days making lame jokes about being old that Myungsoo would always end up hitting his shoulder for.

When they finally land, Sunggyu feels nothing but relief washing through his body. The flight has been awful and although he’s been on tour many times before, he still hates planes more than anything else. Myungsoo, on the other hand, hasn’t stopped fidgeting at all during all the way, excitement oozing out of every cell of his body.

“You’re going to have a heart attack if you keep hyperventilating like that.” Sunggyu mocks him when they are already walking through the airport, heading towards the cabs.

Myungsoo makes a pout that Sunggyu has to fight the urge to kiss off.

“I’m sorry, I’m just so-“ he looks around, smiling brightly. “Excited! I’ve always wanted to come to Japan but never had a chance before. I can’t believe I’m here now. And with you.”

“I always make things better, I know.”

Sunggyu dodges the fist Myungsoo throws at him, laughing. He’s never felt this relaxed, happy and at ease ever before. He would never stop thanking Myungsoo for that.

“Where should we go first?” Sunggyu asks, after leaving the suitcases at the trunk and sitting next to Myungsoo inside the cab.

“I guess we should go first to the hotel to leave our stuff.” Myungsoo replies, making Sunggyu roll his eyes. “I’m joking! Mmmh, I don’t know. Should we go eat something nearby? I’m dying of hunger.”

Sunggyu nods, and rests his head on Myungsoo’s shoulder. When Myungsoo grabs his hand, his heart skips a beat inside. He’s come to think that no matter how much time passes, his heart would still go crazy for him.

The hotel they have rented has a big, queen size bed in the middle. The walls are a mix between red and white, and there’s a nice, huge bathroom with a bathtub. Sunggyu has many thoughts about all the uses he could give to al lof those places, but he pushes them to the back of his mind.

Of course the first place they go to is Akihabara.

All the lights and extremely big buildings make Sunggyu feel dizzy but his heart is about to explode looking at Myungsoo, who is literally glowing. His face is the face of pure happiness as he looks around, recognizing almost every anime character that is plastered on a poster.

Sunggyu knows nothing about these (well, maybe he knows one or two, like Naruto), but Myungsoo is a full weeb.

“Hyung, can we go there?” Myungsoo asks, pointing at something that looks like an anime merchandising shop.

Sunggyu nods, holding Myungsoo’s hand. He realizes Myungsoo feels like home.

After an amount of hours that Sunggyu doesn’t want to think of, they finally leave for grabbing something to eat. It’s almost dinner and Sunggyu is starving.

“I really can’t get an idea of how much money you’ve spent just there.” Sunggyu says, stuffing his mouth with a piece of sushi. It tastes so good he almost dies.

“Me too…” Myungsoo makes a face, mouth also full of sushi and he looks like a squirrel. “But I’ve been dreaming of coming here since I was like 15…I just _had to.”_

“You’re insane.” Sunggyu laughs, holding some piece of takoyaki with his fork and handing it to Myungsoo. He looks so handsome, even when eating like this.

They spend a good hour more still eating, there are so many dishes that they haven’t tried that it seems that it will never be over.

When they go back to the hotel, Sunggyu tricks Myungsoo into going for a drink at the bar. He’s got a surprise for him.

“Woah I didn’t expect this to be so empty.” Myungsoo says, raising his eyebrow while looking around.

Sunggyu smiles, and asks for a couple of drinks to the bartender while he walks up to the piano placed in the right corner of the room.

“W-What are you doing?” Myungsoo asks, and Sunggyu notices how his cheeks have turned red.

“Since I’ve met you, you’ve ended up becoming the reason behind all the lyrics I’ve written. From when I had doubts, from when I sent you away and ended up hurting you, from the moment I realized I was so in love with you.” Sunggyu says, folding his shirt’s sleeves up to his elbow and sitting comfortable on the piano. “I want you to hear this one.”

Myungsoo sits quietly on a chair, holding his drink between his hands, but his eyes never leaving Sunggyu.

“ _I remember the day I first met you, I was left alone in the world and you held out your warm hand. I still remember_ …” he closes his eyes, his hands wander through the piano, the music following each word he says. He can feel Myungsoo’s piercing gaze on him. “ _Don’t move, stay with me. Don’t look back, always look only at me. My life, all my time, fill it up with only you_.” He chokes a bit on his words, thinking of all they’ve had to go through because of him make Sunggyu sad. “ _Even if the world laughs at me and turns away, even if the sky falls down, always stay by my side, always hold my hands. Hold my hand, I want you to be always by my side…_ ” He repeats the last sentence a couple of times before turning around on his seat and looking at Myungsoo. “I love you.”

Myungsoo gets up from his seat and walks up to him, his eyes never leaving Sunggyu.

He’s almost thrown back of his place when Myungsoo pulls him into the deepest, most sincere kiss they’ve ever shared. Myungsoo kisses him hard but yet soft, in such a tender way that Sunggyu’s heart hurts. He feels Myungsoo telling him everything’s okay, that everything is okay now.

“I love you too, Sunggyu.” Myungsoo says, after breaking the kiss. His eyes are gleaming with tears and he’s biting his lower lip. Sunggyu knows he’s trying hard not to cry. He’s been through so much, having to see how someone you love was still thinking of someone else. Sunggyu is glad he realized not too late who his heart really belonged to.

“Let’s go to our room.” Sunggyu says, whispering. “I owe you a massage and I’ve rented a PS4 for our room.”

“You did what!?” Myungsoo screams, a huge smile spreading through his face.

“There’s a new videogame that you’ve got to try.” Sunggyu laughs, thinking of how Myungsoo had spent the whole morning crying because he wouldn’t be able to try the new game he had bought until they went back to Korea. “You’re unbelievable, by the way.”

“I’m not!”Myungsoo excuses himself, grabbing Sunggyu’s hands to give him another peck before heading towards their hotel room. “And you love me.”

“Yeah.” Sunggyu smiles, grabbing tightly Myungsoo’s hand. “I certainly do.”

 

Looking at Myungsoo, Sunggyu realizes there’s nothing else he would ever ask for. When he was lost, broken and alone, Myungsoo sneaked into his life with his clumsy smiles and his always-present camera, with his little dimple and his lame jokes, and climbed up fast to his heart. It took him a while, but he realized Myungsoo was the only one occupying his thoughts, he realized he loved Myungsoo more than anything else when he looked at him and the wounds in his heart didn’t seem to hurt anymore, when he realized everything he has ever been afraid of wasn’t a fear any longer, and he was willing to share all his moments with him. If that is what love is about, Sunggyu is up to it anytime, if it’s with Myungsoo.


End file.
